Singer Raffy opens up about her miscarriage
For more than a week, singer and musician Raffy have been sharing her incredible illustrations to break taboos on sensitive subjects, such as mental disorders and phobias. Friday is an extremely traumatic and unfortunate event that inspired the beautiful artist to open up on the theme of perinatal mourning.
“ I never spoke about it publicly. Only my relatives know about it. This subject, I did not know if I wanted to tackle it, one because it still hurts me very badly and two, it is rare that people speak about this subject openly. Since the goal of my series of drawings is to destigmatize all the more sensitive subjects, I decided to talk about it. It’s a bit of therapy for me, ”Raffy said straight away.
“ On June 22, 2019, I lost my baby. I was 3 months pregnant. On June 21, I was on a show at the Casino and I started to have severe cramps and bleeding. I was obviously very worried. The next day, we headed to the hospital to listen to the baby’s heart and give me an ultrasound. Result: no heartbeat. The worst news I have ever had in my life. The world is crumbling before my eyes. Marc and I were broken at the time. The penalty is indescribable. Time stopped. All our plans for the future were collapsing, ”she says, mentioning that she and her lover were already ready to welcome their little one.
The singer also reports that she had to go to the emergency room a few hours later when she suffered from a hemorrhagic miscarriage, which she describes as the worst pain of her life. “ So I have to have an emergency curettage. I am afraid of needles and hospitals, I am overwhelmed. Curettage traumatized me. Since then, I have flashbacks every week from this moment. I remember every detail. The color of the nurse’s eyes on the ceiling of the operating room. I thought I was in pain. There, I tasted real pain. When I left the operating room, I was devastated. Grieving my baby and this pain at the same time was too much, ”says Raffy.
“ 2019 will have been a very difficult year for Marc and me. Find the meaning of life, the taste of getting up in the morning … it’s weird, but beyond the pain, the strongest feeling was a shame. A feeling of deep failure. The mere sight of other people’s happiness destroyed us a little more each time. We wanted life. It’s really weird because it’s the opposite of who we are. And that feeling, we are a nasty gang to live it every day. But we don’t talk about it.
Miscarriage affects one in four women. It’s a lot. It is a subject that should not be taboo. It’s difficult to go through this grief, because we feel so alone. To all the couples who have been through this, I love you and you are not alone! PS Friend’s tip: the famous question “when are the babies for you two?” “… NEVER ask this question, please. We don’t know what a couple can go through. They may not want it, they may have lost one, one of the two may be sterile … this is not a question. It hurts every time someone asks me to and it makes me super uncomfortable. I’m certainly not the only one who hates this question, ”she concludes.
It is with a huge “moton” in the throat and a lot of compassion that we send a ton of love, courage and comfort to Raffy and her husband Marc-André through this difficult bereavement